You have the most intriguing bio on the website and tantalizing photos to go with it. Fortunately, you match with this amazing person, and you cannot wait to start talking. You straight up do a victory dance after getting notified then collect yourself to start the chat. But as soon as you open your mouth (or in this case your thumbs), you shove your foot right inside it. And just like that one shady pickup line blows all the hard work put into the profile into nothingness.
When it comes to online dating, a lot of factors determine how successful you will be. One of the most important of these is how you start the conversation. Here are a few tips that come in handy to ensure that your first impression does justice not only to your amazing profile but to your equally awesome personality.
Behavior that must be avoided:
It is ok to appreciate a person’s beauty when you are attracted to them. However, there is nothing sweet or romantic about objectification whether it is a man or a woman. It is rude and shows that you are unaware of how your words affect people. So no, don’t mention that cleavage or those sexy abs before you are both comfortable enough with each other.
Trying too hard to say all the right things
A lot of people are smarter than they are given credit for and therefore it is very easy for them to see right through your empty corny lines. Do not go out of your way to stand out by being overly sweet and saying all the right things especially if you do not mean them.
An aggressively forward approach
It is not ok to say things like “marry me” or “you are what I have been looking for” soon after matching online. It doesn’t matter whether or not that is what you feel. That will put off a lot of people as it makes you come across as disingenuous.
A boring entrance
No one likes that plain old boring “hey there” or even worse, “Hi.”
It is truly the most annoying set of pickup lines ever invented. It shows you are playing it safe which is not the most admirable of qualities online.
Cliché pick-up lines
The only thing worse than boring lines is overused ones. Remember that given how online dating works she or he has probably heard the same line more times than she would like to. Don’t be the next one on the way out for the same mistake.
How to be the Prince/Princess Charming in the story:
Objectification sucks but this does not mean that you should not give compliments. The trick is to be tasteful about it. Mention how breathtaking those eyes are. Or how they have the most beautiful hair you have ever seen. These are great conversation starters.
Honesty about your intentions
Everyone on online dating platforms has an agenda. Some people want to find long term relationships; others want casual hookups while others want plutonic friendships. There is nothing wrong with this diversity. What is important is that you are honest about it especially if you want something casual. It will save you all a lot of time and shows the person you are starting to talk to that you know exactly what you want. Just don’t go proposing on the first text.
Taking it slow
When crafting your first message or your pickup line, you need to dial back the enthusiasm. It is ok to be excited that he/she liked you back, but this is not a green-light to be a creep. Before you send that first text, take a breath and think things through. You won’t regret it.
Consistency in your effort
Another pickup line pro tip is consistency. That will help you more with the follow-up than the initial contact. Once you have the person’s attention, do not waste the opportunity by going on and off on them. You owe too much to that super pickup line that got you into just slack once it works.
Frank curiosity and interest
Showing interest in the person you matched with is another great idea for a pickup line. Find an interesting way to ask them a question. It could be anything from inquiring about the favorite of their many visible tattoos to asking about the memory captured in one of their profile photos. This simple but genuine curiosity will get you a long way.
From all this ‘do and don’t’ tips one thing is clear: honesty and respect are invaluable when it comes to online dating. Put yourself in your love interest’s shoes. What would you expect from them during the first interaction? Chances are you wouldn’t want to be objectified and bombarded with empty promises before you even get to say hi. So return the favor, take it slow, and you will see it work out eventually.
This post originally appeared on good-online-dating-sites.com.